Welcome to the first post in a series! The Celiac Meditations is to encourage, explain and build meaning around some of the experiences that relate to celiacs (and probably a lot of autoimmune or food-related illness). Hope you enjoy! Please comment below and share with anyone you know who has celiacs! xo steph
I want it, so I get it.
That’s how it’s always worked. And that’s how our western-culture minds have been molded. That’s what happiness is, right? Getting anything you want, whenever you want.
Self control is the least-desired, least-cultivated trait in our common lives.
“How long can I go without buying it?”
Or drinking it?
Or viewing it?
Those aren’t questions we ask ourselves daily ... except when we realize “it” is a major problem.
I never realized until recently that self control is a spiritual quality. In fact, the bible says that it’s a fruit of spending time with God.
WHAT.
No wonder it’s so hard.
I always loved new things. I always want to try the newest restaurant, eat the ugliest food, go on the most exotic trip. I’ve never been a super indulgent person … just unrestrain-ably curious.
So walking into the new celiac life has been a sort of spiritual experience.
I’m honestly having to find a new way of thinking and a new of living. Basically, a way of restraining the curiosity that seems to scream from my pores.
I’ve had to build this secret pocket of life that acts counter to everything else I do:
If everything in my life is innocent til proven guilty, this secret pocket of my life is guilty til proven innocent.
If every opportunity is a yes, always yes, try it, do it, why not?! Then everything that fits into my secret pocket is no, definitely no, stay clear, stop.
It’s like trying to learn how to ride a bicycle backward, this using self control.
And it’s this act of self control in only one category of my life — my eating habits — that has brought a new level of enlightenment to me.
The realization that maybe I do need God.
Because there are major times when I just seriously don’t have the power to resist. Like when I’m driving on a long trip without food in the car. Or when I’m pregnant. Or when I’m wanting to please a new friend (so I want to eat their homemade “gluten free” food).
I thought I had self control until I realized I didn’t.
I mean I thought I at least had “good” self control. But when you’re at the cash register buying something that you know you shouldn’t while you’re telling yourself to NOT buy it. And then you buy it. And then you consume it.
I think that counts as not having good self control.
And just for a pause —
In how many other areas are we guilty of doing this?
Don’t respond to that angry text. Don’t drive by her house. Don’t stay another hour at work.
I thought I had self control until I realized I didn’t.
And this practice. This very daily practice of restraining what I eat, for my life’s sake, has been growing my self control muscle. It’s causing me to have to work through my issues: people pleasing, lack of planning, lack of care for my wellbeing.
I'm thankful to be walking a path that grows self control within me. Because in spite of every message my culture screams at me, self control is a sacred quality. One that I want.
t h e c e l i a c m e d i t a t i o n
To have self control is to love myself.